Daily Practice
I struggle with my daily practice.
In fact, the first time I asked for initiation, this was my first challenge: to create a daily practice, no matter how small. I just could not do it, and turned my back on my path.
Later, I began to develop a daily practice, though I can't remember now what it was! I think I was turning to each direction and greeting the Elements each morning. I also went to my altar and grounded each morning.
Today my daily practice involves sitting in prayer or meditation. In my ideal world, I would sit for 20 minutes (as asked to by one of my teachers), but in my real world, if I try to sit for 20 minutes each morning, my practice falls apart in no time at all. In other words, I don't sit. I don't ground. I don't pray. I don't want to sit for 20 minutes, so instead, I allow my time to run out in the morning until I don't have time to sit. Sometimes I notice I'm doing it, sometimes I don't. But I catch myself "just checking my email quickly," or spending too much time in the mirror, or any variety of things I can kill a few minutes with. Then I kill a few more. And a few more. And before you know it, I have to go to work. Then I start to feel guilty, and avoid ALL my work.
This morning, I caught myself. I was drinking coffee and fooling around on Blogwise. I realized I was going to run myself out of time, so I finished my coffee, closed down the computer, and headed upstairs. I brought my Lord a red and yellow rose from the garden. They smell spicy and delightful. I sat for a few moments, and was inspired to pick up one of my tools and hold it as I sat.
I picked up a glass phallus I keep on my altar to the Blue God, and the energy was just amazing. My whole body was abuzz. I set my intent to remain open to Him and to my own GodSelf, rather than to fall into my usual trap of thinking I have an idea about who the gods are. I sometimes get locked into my own stereotypes and ideas about the gods, instead of just opening and letting them speak to me. The firstborn of God Herself, the first separation of Everything, Malik Taus is clearly much more in reality than He is in my limited mind.
In fact, the first time I asked for initiation, this was my first challenge: to create a daily practice, no matter how small. I just could not do it, and turned my back on my path.
Later, I began to develop a daily practice, though I can't remember now what it was! I think I was turning to each direction and greeting the Elements each morning. I also went to my altar and grounded each morning.
Today my daily practice involves sitting in prayer or meditation. In my ideal world, I would sit for 20 minutes (as asked to by one of my teachers), but in my real world, if I try to sit for 20 minutes each morning, my practice falls apart in no time at all. In other words, I don't sit. I don't ground. I don't pray. I don't want to sit for 20 minutes, so instead, I allow my time to run out in the morning until I don't have time to sit. Sometimes I notice I'm doing it, sometimes I don't. But I catch myself "just checking my email quickly," or spending too much time in the mirror, or any variety of things I can kill a few minutes with. Then I kill a few more. And a few more. And before you know it, I have to go to work. Then I start to feel guilty, and avoid ALL my work.
This morning, I caught myself. I was drinking coffee and fooling around on Blogwise. I realized I was going to run myself out of time, so I finished my coffee, closed down the computer, and headed upstairs. I brought my Lord a red and yellow rose from the garden. They smell spicy and delightful. I sat for a few moments, and was inspired to pick up one of my tools and hold it as I sat.
I picked up a glass phallus I keep on my altar to the Blue God, and the energy was just amazing. My whole body was abuzz. I set my intent to remain open to Him and to my own GodSelf, rather than to fall into my usual trap of thinking I have an idea about who the gods are. I sometimes get locked into my own stereotypes and ideas about the gods, instead of just opening and letting them speak to me. The firstborn of God Herself, the first separation of Everything, Malik Taus is clearly much more in reality than He is in my limited mind.
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