shimmer

The Juggler, a collaborative pagan blog: "'tithe - Function: verb: Inflected Form(s): tithed; tith·ingEtymology: Middle English, from Old English teogothian, from teogotha tenthtransitive senses
1 : to pay or give a tenth part of especially for the support of the church
2 : to levy a tithe onintransitive senses : to give a tenth of one's income as a tithe '
- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

I've been thinking a great deal about the sacred in our fiscal lives as of late. It's an idea I have been stuggling with and meditating on for months now. In my personal struggles to understand my own relationship with money and its role in my life and in the divine nature of the universe, the concept of tithing has popped into my mind again and again.

I think the first reaction of some pagans to this word, 'tithing', would be to be uncomfortable or to pull away from it. We, as a loose faith group, can't even stop arguing if one who gives a significant portion of their lives to support a community spiritually should be allowed to eek out some income from it much less begin a conversation about giving a set portion of our incomes to enriching our covens, houses, clans and the like. Besides, the idea of tithing reeks of the Christian and Catholic backrounds many of us have left behind and have very mixed or negative emotions about. " -- by Jacqueline Waters (read the rest here)

I've always thought it a sacred duty to "give back" somehow. The main way I've done this over the past couple of years has been to give some of my money to panhandlers. I used to never do this, because people always say, "don't give them money, they'll just use it for booze or drugs." Finally I decided this was not a good reason to curtail my compassion. When I give someone money, I do it out of love and compassion... what they do with it is their responsiblity, not mine. I can at least be of some potential help to them with a dollar or so.

However, I'm also thinking about giving 5% of my income as a tithing. I know, tithing is actually 10%, but I'm on a pretty thin budget already. Still, not as thin as some, and I think every bit helps. As I do the math, and figure this into my budget, I see that I can not really commit to 5%... but that I can commit right now to 3%. But to whom shall I tithe? I used to give regularly to the women's temple in the town I live in. I also have made donations to the Democratic party or to Democratic candidates, which I think is particularly crucial during this time. Women and sex are both important to my god; perhaps I will donate to a women's shelter or an AIDS hospice. I'm also concerned with hunger and homelessness, so that could be another good place for my money, as could human rights organizations like the Human Rights Coalition or Amnesty International.

Posted by Jean at 12:10 PM | Permalink | Comments

OK, only the first question's really about sex.

Rituals and Rites
Witches Weekly for the week of July 17, 2004

Have you ever performed sex magic? If not, how do you feel about sex magic?

My first husband and I tried sex magic once or twice, but we really didn't know very much, and weren't terribly effective. Truth be told, I can't even recall what we were trying to accomplish.

These days, sex magic for me involves using the energy I raise during masturbation to align my Triple Soul, charge my tools, or as an offering to my gods.

I'm working now on some magic to help revitalize my sex life with my partner. My partner has been battling several serious health issues over the past few years, and our sexual connection has suffered. So I sometimes use my sex energy or my orgasm energy to feed the sexual relationship between my partner and I.

Sex is a great way to raise energy, and I believe it provides an opportunity to connect with God Herself, so I think sex magic is a perfectly natural form of Witchcraft.

Have you ever used blood in a rite or ritual? If not, how do you feel about using blood in a rite or ritual?

Years ago I was doing a ritual, and I pricked my own finger for blood. It was then that I heard the Goddess more clearly than ever before... She let me know in no uncertain terms that it was never necessary to spill blood for Her.

These days, I often make devotional offerings of my monthly blood. Even easier since I started using the Keeper (see also the Diva cup) during my cycle. Blood is crucial to life... it reeks of us, of life itself. There is little that I can offer that is quite so... me.

What would you consider to be your most unusual rite or ritual?

I can't really think of anything that is that unusual. What precisely does unusual mean in Witchcraft, after all? Isn't it all a little unusual? :-)

Posted by Jean at 5:17 PM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Jean at 4:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

Three Cauldrons: A threefold view of reality and beyond

Here's an interesting idea, though I'm not sure I agree with the correlations of the Moon and the Ascendant.

This author correlates the Sun with the Cauldron of Wisdom, which is analagous to the GodSelf. The Moon is correlated to the Cauldron of Vocation, which is analogous to the Talking Self/Shining Body, while the Ascendant is correlated to the Cauldron of Warming, or the Fetch. My impulse would be to correlate the Moon to the Fetch, as the source of emotion and instinct, while the Ascendant correlates to Talker, as the face we show to the world, the way we tend to make our way through. I will have to consider this further.

Posted by Jean at 2:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

When I was a little girl, the people who lived behind us had a huge tree that grew right next to the fence we shared. My mother never really took care of much in our yard, and the tree limbs that grew to our side of the fence were seldom, if ever, trimmed. The branches of the tree grew long, and their long, heavy branches swept the ground perhaps ten feet from the fence, creating a "tree-house" of sorts. You could step through the branches to a shaded, sheltered world. Nothing but dirt would grow in the shade of those branches, of course. My sisters and I spent many hours playing under the shade, hidden by the huge canopy of branches.

But even as special as our dirt-floored, branch hut was, I had my own secret place among the leaves. Hidden within the branches to one side was a tiny green alcove, just big enough for one child. Soft grass grew there because enough light came through, and all sides were surrounded by thick green branches. I would slip in between the branches, and lie there in my little hollow, listening to the trees and the grass and the birds and every living thing. I would sit and read I would lie there and dream of being a a rock star, the President, and all my other girlhood dreams. It was holy there... I was holy there. I felt safe and hidden, sheltered from the hot California sun, soothed by the green and the shade.

Now that I'm supposed to be all grown up, finding a hiding place seems harder, or less socially acceptable. Maybe both. Last week on my lunch break at work, I took my book and went to my minivan. I had a pillow and a comforter in back, and my car was parked in the shade. It was cool in the back seat of the van, and I felt hidden behind the tinted windows. I lay down on the seat with my book, and had my refuge again.

Posted by Jean at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments

Because I really love and look forward to Rob Brezsny's weekly horoscopes, here's mine for this week.
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week of July 15

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
I took a long, meandering walk today. After an hour, I found myself in an unfamiliar neighborhood on a wide paved road. In the middle of a long straight stretch there were two street signs next to each other. The one on the right -- the direction from which I had come -- said "Split Drive." The one on the left -- where I was headed -- said "Union Avenue." There was no intersection here and no bend in the road to mark the change -- no apparent distinction at all between Split and Union. Now study all the details I just reported, Taurus. They're symbols for your life in the coming week.


Copyright 2004 by Rob Brezsny
www.freewillastrology.com

Posted by Jean at 4:24 PM | Permalink | Comments

I struggle with my daily practice.

In fact, the first time I asked for initiation, this was my first challenge: to create a daily practice, no matter how small. I just could not do it, and turned my back on my path.

Later, I began to develop a daily practice, though I can't remember now what it was! I think I was turning to each direction and greeting the Elements each morning. I also went to my altar and grounded each morning.

Today my daily practice involves sitting in prayer or meditation. In my ideal world, I would sit for 20 minutes (as asked to by one of my teachers), but in my real world, if I try to sit for 20 minutes each morning, my practice falls apart in no time at all. In other words, I don't sit. I don't ground. I don't pray. I don't want to sit for 20 minutes, so instead, I allow my time to run out in the morning until I don't have time to sit. Sometimes I notice I'm doing it, sometimes I don't. But I catch myself "just checking my email quickly," or spending too much time in the mirror, or any variety of things I can kill a few minutes with. Then I kill a few more. And a few more. And before you know it, I have to go to work. Then I start to feel guilty, and avoid ALL my work.

This morning, I caught myself. I was drinking coffee and fooling around on Blogwise. I realized I was going to run myself out of time, so I finished my coffee, closed down the computer, and headed upstairs. I brought my Lord a red and yellow rose from the garden. They smell spicy and delightful. I sat for a few moments, and was inspired to pick up one of my tools and hold it as I sat.

I picked up a glass phallus I keep on my altar to the Blue God, and the energy was just amazing. My whole body was abuzz. I set my intent to remain open to Him and to my own GodSelf, rather than to fall into my usual trap of thinking I have an idea about who the gods are. I sometimes get locked into my own stereotypes and ideas about the gods, instead of just opening and letting them speak to me. The firstborn of God Herself, the first separation of Everything, Malik Taus is clearly much more in reality than He is in my limited mind.

Posted by Jean at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments

Here's the Iron Pentacle reading I did last week.



Card 1, at the top, is SEX... here we have the Queen of Cups, reversed.

Card 2, in the lower left-hand corner, is PRIDE... here we have the 10 of Disks (Wealth).

Card 3, the right arm of the pentacle, is SELF... here we have the 8 of Cups (Indolence), reversed.

Card 4, the left arm of the pentacle, is POWER... here we have the Ace of Swords.

Finally, Card 5, in the lower right-hand corner, is PASSION, and we have the 7 of Disks (Failure).

As you can see, I use the Thoth deck for my readings.

Although I laid out the whole IP, my focus for this reading was my Sex point. The Queen of Cups is emotional, intuitive, mysterious. In this card, you can hardly see her veiled face. For me, particularly since the card is reversed, this indicates that which is hidden. I hide things about my sex life. I see this card indicating my predilection for secret or illicit affairs, as well as "perverted" or socially unacceptable sexual practices. There may be things about my relationship to Sex that I hide from other people, or that I hide from myself. Sometimes this card indicates the involvment of another woman. That could indicate me, going outside some of my relationships for sex.

It could also indicate my mother's influence on my relationship to Sex... my mother was often "the other woman," with a strong sexual magnetism. I do see the Queen as drawing partners to her, magnetic but passive, pulling partners into her realm of mystery and dreams.

The Queen can be deceptive as well, particularly in reverse. My mother was this way around Sex, and I--reluctantly--see this in myself as well. I wonder if this could also indicate using Sex in a deceptive or manipulative way... using Sex to get what you want.

I think the Queen also indicates an emotional woman, and in this position, she may say something about the ways in which Sex is deeply connected to my emotions. For one thing, I've often used Sex (as has my mother) to feel better about myself.

Those are my thoughts thus far on this reading...

Posted by Jean at 2:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

Sex, the uppermost point of the IP. Sex, in our heads and in our bodies. Run it up and down, from the head to the cunt, the cunt to the head... that is the way Sex naturally runs, from my head to my cunt and back up again, a pulsating desire, coursing through my body, my veins, my skin.

Sex is more than sex, more than body against body, sweat and skin and come. Sex is all that, but it is also more than that. It is the root digging deeply into the earth, and the sprout bursting through the soil to catch rain and sun. It is the tingle through a woman's breast when she nurses. It is desire, that transformed nothing in Something, that which drew God Herself into Her Great Being.

What is Sex for me? For me, sex has been a tool. A tool to get attention. A tool to bring me pleasure. A tool for getting what I want. Sometimes the sex is what I want, but I have also used it for manipulating men. I have drawn them into sex to get what I want because they cannot seem to resist it. I have used it to feel powerful. I have used it to feel beautiful. I have used it to get others to tell me I am beautiful or wonderful.

I've used sex to make other people. Not on purpose. I have two beautiful and charming children, who I got, of course, from having sex. They are the reason we call the Sex point the Sex point... Sex is The Source. The Source of Life, of Being. This is why Sex and death are so strangely related... one bring life, the other ends it.

Sex has been a journey, too. From saying I would never French kiss a boy (or girl) in the sixth grade--I thought it was "like spitting in each others' mouths! Yech!"--to discovering jerking off, BDSM, queerness, genderplay, polyamoury, and more, sex has been a journey of self-discovery. What do I like? Why do I like it? What does it mean?

Where is Sex in my life now? Well, I get myself off pretty regularly. At least every couple of days, often more. I'm learning to connect with the Gods this way as well. The sex is kind of dead--or sleeping, perhaps--in my primary relationship right now, and that's something I'm trying to work on. I complained so long about the lack of sex in my relationship that I didn't notice that I lost my sexual connection to my partner. Now when he wants sex, I find myself shutting down, reluctant, confused, tense. We have to woo back the sex with words, caresses, kisses. This is a part of my Sex work right now, to build the Sex in my relationship back up. To this end, I will build an altar in the bedroom my lover and I share. I will also come up with some kind of daily practice that can help my lover and I get our sexual relationship back.

Posted by Jean at 3:36 PM | Permalink | Comments

since I started this blog, yet I haven't really quite gotten to starting. I feel a little nervous. I catch myself trying to think about what to write for public consumption, I catch myself forgetting who and what this blog is really for. It is for me, to explore this journey I have undertaken. I worry about who might see this blog, and whether they might know who I am.

I've been on a path to initiation for several years now. I must be closer, yet I doubt myself constantly. This seems to me to be one of the issues I need most to work on.

For now, I will concentrate my efforts on Iron Pentacle, keeping my souls aligned, and making Kala.

Posted by Jean at 2:58 PM | Permalink | Comments

The purpose of this blog is for me to chronicle and share my path as I walk it. I work in the Reclaiming tradition, study Feri, and am influenced by Buddhist ideas. I have always been deeply interested in religion, but I did not find my path until I discovered Witchcraft a little more than 15 years ago. I found Reclaiming tradition, my spiritual home when I first encountered it at a Witchcamp in 1995. I am currently pursuing initiation in my tradition.

Posted by Jean at 1:43 PM | Permalink | Comments